So part of my job means traveling. Jetting off with my obscenely large (and ugly-on-purpose) paisley suitcase and confused sense of what, exactly, the TSA means by "personal carry-on items." Anyway, I had to go to Denver for a conference. I was in charge of 11 teenagers, but we won't get into that (too soon. I can still hear the iPhone ding ding's bouncing off the walls when I sleep).
Let me confess one thing: I am hopelessly, endlessly, obnoxiously enamored with The Shining. The fact that The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park was a mere 1.5 hour drive from my convention hotel was both exciting and depressing, because I couldn't get away from work (see also: 11 teenagers). But it was made better by the fact that my shuttle driver looked exactly like Jack Nicholson; the only difference is that my shuttle driver seemed to love drinking neon-colored Fanta and asking the same questions over and over ("So what got you into Denver?" ... "A conference." ... "Oh, ok. Let me tell you a story about a conference. Hey, what brings you into town?").
Somehow I don't see Mr. Nicholson being so forgetfully inquisitive.
Anyway, Not-Nicholson told me a story about a giant blue horse statue as we passed it on the freeway. This horse was unsettlingly large, blue, and had glowing red eyes. If Rosemary's baby had been a horse, it would be this thing, bucking in absolute rage.
Let's talk about Blucifer.
- Blucifer's real name is "Mustang," but literally no one calls him that.
- Because while he was being built, his head fell onto/killed the sculptor.
- The Denver airport already has some seriously creepy, post-apocalyptic vibes and conspiracy theories. And have you SEEN the murals? I'll have nightmares for a nice long while. Thanks DEN.
- Seriously, WTF is up with the Denver airport?
- I'm kind of obsessed with Blucifer now. Just call me Rosemary.
It was cold in Denver. I say this as someone that has lived in California for nearly two years, but damn it was cold. It snowed the first two days I was there, but did I pack a jacket? Nope. Did I learn that my weather app was a sinister little liar when it came to predicting Denver weather conditions? Yep.
Here's some other stuff I learned about my time in Denver:
- "If you don't like the weather, wait ten minutes." - Everyone in Denver.
- There are some damn fine coffee shops (shout out to Novo Coffee for putting up with me multiple times per day, and Corvus for having the best damn latte I've ever had).
- Denver Flea is not for the faint of heart, or the poor, and I seemed to be both. Fun anyway? Yes. Because beards. Everywhere, beards.
- Never go to Denver on 4/20 weekend. Y'all, just don't, okay? But if you do: be prepared for everyone to say "happy holidays!" and ask you for money for "hippie research" while they prance around the streets. Prance.
- People prance in Denver. They're good at it.
All right, Denver. You win this round. I'll be back to visit Blucifer, The Stanley Hotel, and drink more of your coffee/booze. Until then, I'm saving all my heavy sweaters for you.